Stopping Fear in its Tracks
Eliminating Divorce Fear and Anxiety
I am sure you know only too well that divorce can be traumatic. Losing our love relationship can plug us into such a large amount of fear and anxiety that it can be debilitating. One of the greatest fears it can bring up is the fear of the unknown future. Fueling this fear is the belief we will be worse off and suffer indefinitely in the future and we will be powerless to change that.
This “Future Fear” can paralyze us and drag us into a hopeless, confused state. Like a thief, it steals our self esteem leaving us without access to healthy decision making or the ability to feel good about ourselves. It blinds us to the many positive possibilities awaiting us and the courage and energy to move toward them.
Do you find yourself dwelling on thoughts like these and feeling afraid?
- How will I manage financially without him?
- Where will the kids and I live?
- How will I make the decisions I need to make?
- Will I ever feel attractive and lovable again?
Our minds desperately want to know the answers and without them we can easily succumb to overwhelm. But the truth is that no one knows what the future will bring. We can’t even know what will happen in one hour, let alone tomorrow and definitely not next year. At best we can only make some smart guesses, based on our past and our expectations. It is such a waste of energy and time to get stuck in Future Fear.
I used to dread my future without my husband. I felt lost, afraid and confused. My ability to make decisions for my future had suddenly vanished, and with it went my confidence. The onslaught of “How”, “What” and “Why” questions that I had no answers for was paralyzing to me. It felt like torture.
Then one day I realized that I was creating my own nightmare movie, watching it over and over, and terrifying myself. Like the monsters I used to think were in my closet when I went to bed as a child, what I was dreading wasn’t even real. My fear of life without my husband was an unfounded negative future expectation that I had adopted and could keep or get rid of. The knots started to loosen. I could breathe again.
What we focus on we move towards, so I knew I had to change my movie. I wanted to experience calm, courage and clarity, so I began to notice where I found those qualities in my life. It was always when I was in the present moment, not in the future. I started seeing ways that I was using courage and having clarity that I had not seen before. I began to acknowledge myself for that and noticed I started to relax.
Accepting that the only thing I had control over was myself gave me a feeling of empowerment. I started to get out of resistance to what was happening with my marriage. I began to be more interested in the process of my life unfolding instead of needing to know how it would look in advance . This gave me the courage to make a plan, try new things, meet new people and to appreciate the present moment with all its gifts.
As I started to come out of the shock of the divorce, I began to see again the givingness of life. I had always been supported, I just forgot. Life was breathing me, keeping my heart pumping, and I didn’t have to do anything to make it happen. I knew that this is not a random universe, in fact it is a benevolent one. I allowed the transformative power of my grateful heart to renew my faith in the goodness of life.
As I look back on other painful “losses” I have endured, I can appreciate how they have contributed to my depth and growth as a person. Like a lotus flower that blooms in the mud, my most loving, insightful and compassionate qualities were birthed in the crucible of my pain and suffering. It is these hard won soul gifts that I joyfully offer now to others.
The Divorce Recovery Coaching and Breakthrough Emotional Technology Judy Cameron and I offer can move you through this challenging time quicker and easier and assist you to be the joyful, authentic and empowered woman you were meant to be.
Call now for your free 30 minute Support Session.
Laura Taylor, Co-Founder of Divorce Recovery Coaching
